How do I love thee?
by Sarahbookjunkie
Summary: Clois oneshot set somewhere in season 9. Chapter two added from Lois's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Credit to Paloma and Interstellar at DI whose discussion on SVClark's nature in the Saviour thread prompted this fic. Yay for boring pharmacology classes too, as apparently they work wonders for a writer's muse.

Thanks to: Olivia, who proved that threats actually work, and to Jack for his encouragement and excellent analysis of Clark's feelings towards Lois (read it!). Thanks also to Elizabeth Barrett Browning for the first line.

No plot, but internal musings abound. It's set somewhere in season 9. Also, I haven't written free verse since university so be warned.

* * *

How do I love thee?

I like that old-fashioned word.

Thee means you and you only,

You singular – the thing that you are.

Singular, rare, unique,

One perfect meld of life and hope and light and beginning.

In my dreams, I trace the line of your hip with my hand.

You smile at me

And I can see the Earth in your eyes.

* * *

We work around and with each other.

I see everything that you do, even when I'm not looking.

I watch the curve of your mouth as you talk on the phone -

Your lips would be soft and tempting, I think.

Your hands would fist in my hair as I pull your body flush against mine,

Not caring who sees us.

We've kissed before, and almost kissed – shining moments threaded into our lives so far - and I remember every detail. I want to remember.

You don't, or don't want to, but maybe I'll tell you some day. Maybe when you give me your heart to keep.

I can hear your breathing pick up and I know you're about to get my attention.

"Smallville!" you say.

I look up: can you see the hope in my eyes? Is it me you want?

"I got another story – the Blur saved three people from a burning building downtown."

Oh. Him.

I nod and pretend to smile. You don't notice.

It's him you want,

Not me.

I push Clark back into the box of my dreams.

* * *

I refer to myself in the third person a lot.

You would laugh, if you knew about that.

My alter-ego, my other self, is a hero

To the city and to you.

When I'm him I feel free,

I can do anything -

No longer constrained by fear or uncertainty.

My heart races as I call your phone at the Planet.

Did you know that your number is top of my speed dial?

You reach out to me

And anchor me here, unable to leave.

For a long moment I am part of humanity,

Part of you.

* * *

Wherever I am in the city, I know where you are:

I am drawn to you like a parched man to water.

I stretch my hearing

And listen to the steady beat of your heart,

Your gentle breathing as you sleep.

What do you dream of at night?

I dream of you. Always.

You own my heart and soul.

I think you would sleep just as well if I was there -

My arms wrapped around you,

My face buried in your hair,

Breathing in the life that rolls off you in waves

Filling me up and washing me away into a future found next to you.

I hear a cry for help –

I set off into the night and leave you to your dreams.

* * *

I may not be from Earth, but I am a man.

At night you are here beside me:

Drenched in sweat, we learn the dips and curves of each other's bodies.

You call my name as though your life depended on it.

In this moment, I find something I have looked for my whole life:

The man I want to be, the man you make me.

In the morning

I wake alone.

Who am I now?

* * *

I know every fleck of gold in your eyes -

I know them better than the stars I used to study.

I know all your smiles:

Do you have one just for me, I wonder?

If I told you I loved you

What would you say?

You might avoid it or wave it away indifferently -

Sorry but you don't feel the same way.

Maybe you'll bring up the spectre of 'just friends'.

I can't _not_ love you,

I need you like I need air,

So I'll take what I can get, for now.

Just once I wish you would tell me "I love you".

I think I could fly if you said that.

* * *

I know what kind of morning you've had

By the way you walk into the office,

What style your hair is in,

How quick you are to steal my coffee.

Did you ever notice that I make it the way you like it?

Even then, I am here for you.

Every look or touch or moment between us –

No matter how fleeting –

I store the memory away in a special place marked 'Lois'.

Later I will take it out and replay it over and over:

You won't remember,

But I will

Always.

* * *

How do I love thee?

Forever, my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

How do I love thee?

So much I can't breathe, is the answer.

I don't think I could stop loving you if I tried:

I've lost count of the ways that you make me fall for you every day.

I didn't expect to find what I was looking for

Right under my nose.

* * *

Did you know I've been looking for you my whole life?

The first thing I see when I wake up,

And the last thing I think about at night,

Is your face -

Even when you're not here.

You never really leave, so deeply have you found your way into my heart.

When did you become the most important thing in my world?

Your gentle eyes say so much -

I wish I could read everything in them.

I know you so well

Yet don't know you at all.

When you said I couldn't peg you,

You were right

(of course I won't ever admit it).

* * *

Who would have guessed that you are my match?

The other half of my self?

You catch my eye across the desk

And melt my insides with a smile that matches the sun

In its light and warmth.

I lose myself in the twinkle in your eye.

You could ask me for anything

And I would give it to you without complaint -

Putting up a little protest, for appearance's sake.

You didn't ask for my heart

But I gave it to you all the same.

I thought someone else had taken your heart,

Only to discover, it was already mine.

* * *

You take all the broken parts of me

And gently mend them with a smile, a touch, a look.

You tell me you love me

And then show me how much.

Sometimes you say it without words.

You say I am the centre of your world:

My past self would have rolled my eyes and dismissed such sentimental nonsense -

My present self hugs you tighter and never wants to let go.

I fall asleep on top of you

On the couch that has so many memories of us,

Listening to the steady beat of your heart.

I can see my future laid out in front of me, me here with you, getting old and grey.

The thought frightens me for a moment -

Me who is always on the run, never putting down roots, never staying long enough.

Then your arms tighten just a little in your sleep

And I know I am safe.

A future with you is what I want.

* * *

I had a dream once.

You were broken and bleeding and dying on a street somewhere,

But you looked at me like I was the most beautiful person in the world.

With that familiar sense of absolute certainty, you told me I would see you again.

I told you about the dream, how it frightened me the way nothing else ever did,

And you said "I'm sorry you had to see that, Lois",

As though it was your fault for being who you are, even in that futuristic dystopia.

Your shoulders are broad,

Already burdened with the cares of the world.

I didn't want to add mine

But you took them from me without question.

* * *

What are you to me?

You are so many things -

Sunshine, home, life, light, mine,

And always, always, Smallville.

I built so many walls around my heart.

Others tried to get through them with a hammer -

You used a smile and a doughnut

And all my walls crumbled into dust.

Finally, I was free to be _me_.

I kept my memories and thoughts and feelings to myself.

Then you came, and I wanted to tell you every single thing.

You always listen to me, no matter what I say.

You remember everything too -

This means I can't win an argument with you.

You let me anyway.

You even listen to me when I say nothing.

* * *

You are tall and strong, kindness and loyalty running through your veins.

I used to rely on myself for strength, not trusting anyone else.

Then I leaned on you

And found myself, not falling or bending, but standing upright.

I can face the world because you have my back -

When it turns on me, you are there to protect me.

I never thought I might need a shield.

Years ago you told me about Orion, the mighty hunter,

On one of many nights we spent stargazing at the farm.

Orion, brave and fearless, who could walk on water and was healed by the sun -

I never told you then, but I thought of you in that way.

Like Orion's star, you shine.

Your light illuminates sides of me I didn't know I had.

Though strong, you are gentle: brave, yet humble: successful, yet modest -

A study in contrasts between _what_ you are, and _who_ you are.

You make me love you more and more.

* * *

You are generous with everything you have, with everything in you: so giving, so selfless.

I used to balk at being given presents:

Oliver was lavish with his money, but never himself.

You give me your whole self,

I don't need anything else.

A plaid shirt, a new CD, a kiss -

I treasure all your gifts, more than you realise.

You took the list of things I wanted:

Ice cream and chalupas, picnics in the park, dancing in the rain, a monster truck rally,

Making sure I got every single one of them and so much more besides.

The army brat who always travelled light has become the woman who hoards memories and plants herself just _here_, right beside you.

You have changed too

(I like to think I have something to do with that)

But you are still the same, ever faithful and constant.

We met crashing into each other.

Love came slowly, quietly, all-consuming,

Bending our thoughts towards each other.

* * *

Before you

I thought I knew what love, pain, happiness, fear were.

But now:

The pain when I saw you with someone else, long ago,

Was almost crippling in its intensity, breaking my heart into little pieces.

The fear when you don't come home is black, dreadful, overpowering.

The love I feel as you take me to greater heights of passion is incredible, earth-shattering, mind-blowing.

The happiness when you look into my eyes sparkles like sunlight on water.

Everything is different, better, _more_ with you.

Sometimes you go places that I can't follow, but I don't feel left behind:

You promised me you would always come back.

And just like you promised, you always do.

Wherever I am, you are there with me.

* * *

How do I love thee?

Always, my knight.


End file.
